She didn’t know she couldn’t, so she did

Finding connection during seasons of change can help us to feel seen and heard. 

The iterations of who we are, daughter, friend, professional, entrepreneur, mother, wife, and creative, are parts of our story. As we open to change, we can invite other’s to be witnesses to the next extension of ourselves.  The parts of us that we have kept hidden may begin to make themselves known.  Tapping into our undiscovered parts within a community may help our inner world and outer presentation to become more congruent. 

It may feel odd at first to approach discomfort, questions, anxiety, and perhaps our new-found boldness with acceptance rather than pushing them aside in order to function. Sitting with discomfort can help us to see our growth and purpose beyond what our fear tells us is harmful.   Acceptance affords us the curiosity to experience ourselves as capable of handling difficult things.  I have slightly rewritten the adage, “She believed she could, so she did,” by R. S. Grey from her novel Scoring Wilder, to “She didn’t know she couldn’t, so she did.”

Blame and self-doubt tend to get louder when we cast ourselves our into uncomfortable experiences.  They are trying to keep us safe by limiting us and keeping us from believing that we can handle the uncertainty ahead.  If we are convinced that we are not capable of facing difficult situations then we are less likely to take risks.  Finding community among women who have their own stories, solutions, and aspirations, can help us feel less alone in our uncertainty.  Belonging and connection quiet self-doubt and our inner critics that keep us small.

There is a poem called "If" written by Rudyard Kipling in which he begins with a profound invitation: “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting, too;”

This excerpt from Kipling’s poem is about what it means to be a man, but I find it relatable as a woman.  Keeping our heads in the chaos of family and life and feeling the blame when anything goes wrong.  Learning to trust ourselves when men doubt us though there may be an element of truth to their doubt.  I recommend you read the entire poem, but these lines are about finding ourselves amid others.  Finding a supportive community that tilts our chin and our gaze up can help us remember that we are worth believing in.

If you are looking for these connections and not sure where to start feel free to email debra@fourlinescounseling.com